A Winter of Disappointment

Hello everyone! I know it's been a while since I've updated, but we've been very busy! This has been a terrible winter, in many ways, least of all the mountains of snow and bitter cold. But first, let's start with the good things!

Livia Paige Roesler, my niece, was born on October 13th, beautiful and healthy! She is already 4 months old, and growing and changing so fast. She is definitely the center of attention in the Putnam family! Grandma Lisa and Grandpa Dave couldn't be more excited to finally have a grandchild. Livie is growing up so fast already. She is such a little doll! I wish they lived closer so we could see her more often, but luckily Mommy Lindsay keeps us all updated with Liv's latest news and pictures on her blog! Here's a few of Liv's recent's pictures:

Speaking of growing fast, as of November 7th, little miss Piper is now a year old! She is such a source of joy in our lives. She is happy, active, and (finally, thankfully) healthy, which makes us happy. I think she might be the most spoiled dog in the world...since we don't have any kids, she is like our child, and she is showered with love and attention! She goes in for her yearly check up later this week; I'm willing to bet she is up over 50 lbs now. We love her so much and can't imagine our lives without her!

Brent and I have taken a couple of short mini "vacations" this winter. We headed south (via the Grand Canyon) in December to visit friends and go to the Iowa State bowl game in Tempe, AZ. We were joined eventually by nearly the entire Hansen family: Brent's parents, his brother, his sister and her husband and kids, and Brent's aunt and uncle. The weather was fantastic of course (in the 60's), although the locals would disagree. It was easy to tell we were tourists; we walked around in shorts and t-shirts, while the locals wore big heavy coats! We enjoyed sight seeing with the family, and spent some time with several of my friends who live in the Phoenix area. Some of us even attended the Suns/Celtics game in a suite, courtesy of my friend Chris! ISU was also victorious in the Insight Bowl on New Years Eve, which definitely called for a celebration! We had a great time and a great 3rd anniverary! A week later, we took a 3 day trip to Chicago to attend the Iowa State vs Duke basketball game at the United Center. At this point, I was a little burned out on all things ISU! :) Although Duke prevailed (no surprise there!), we had a great time at the game as well as sight seeing in the bitter cold. We will definitely go back to Chicago during warmer weather to enjoy all the sights!

Work is going well for both Brent and I. Brent has been busy, busy, busy! As the Director of a team, he already had many people reporting to him. But recently, after some re-structuring, he is now in charge over almost twice as many people, including some in the Phillippines! He has been busier at work, but he loves the challenge. Brent isn't the only one busy and working hard; the fine staff of Children's Hospital Emergency Department has been hopping as well! Winter is always a busy time for us, known affectionately as "respiratory season." RSV is in full swing, as is pneumonia and other illnesses. So far, we haven't had anymore "pandemics" related to H1N1, but I'm sure it's just biding it's time. We of course have all the other usual complaints, such as broken bones (sledding is dangerous!), lacerations, appendicitis, and all the other "emergencies" such as ear infections and colds. But hey, I guess it's job security!

A month ago, we received some surprising news that made us happier than we've been in a long time. We found out that, after taking a month off from fertility treatments, I was pregnant! It was a rough pregnancy from the start. I was on daily progesterone injections to try to maintain the pregnancy, and we thought they were working. However, at 7 weeks, they realized the heart was not going to develop and the fetus was not viable. We were absolutely devastated; it felt like I fell back into an old nightmare from our first miscarriage. I had another D&C a week ago. I was in shock; I couldn't believe this was happening to us again. I felt sad, isolated, and angry. This time was easier yet more difficult: last time we were so blindsided by it, but this time we knew it was a possibility. Yet this time, knowing how long it has taken us to get here (a year and a half since the last miscarriage), it hurts a little more. They have no explaination for either of the miscarriages, and most doctors (and insurance companies of course) don't allow testing until 3 consecutive miscarriages. However, I have a wonderful and understanding OB who said he will do some blood tests to see if he can find the cause. It has now been over two and half years, two miscarriages, billions of tests, thousands and thousands of dollars, and numerous failed fertility treatments...it's been a long, painful, frustrating, lonely, disappointing road. Those of you with children, please know how lucky you are, and never take them for granted.

We are trying hard to be optimistic about the future. I know we are meant to be parents, and we will be one way or another. I just wish the road was easier for us and we knew what lies ahead. It will take us a while to recover from this, but we aren't giving up. In the meantime, we have a few things to distract us and help us get through this. We are taking a trip to Puerto Vallarta in April, which is giving me something to look forward to and smile about. Once I am cleared by my doctor, I'm going to start running again as well. I'm planning to train for the 5K run in Council Bluffs in May...a goal will make it easier to get into back into shape. We will try to stay busy and "get on with our lives" but it won't be easy. Thank you to all our family and friends for their thoughts and prayers; we could continue to use them!